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CHILDREN
IN DIVORCE
There is so much conflicting information out there on divorce and its
effects on children. Just this week the CBS Evening News reported on a study in
the Journal of the American Medical Association saying that childhood trauma can
make it more likely a person will smoke as an adult, and make it harder for that
person to quit. One of the traumas cited was if a child’s parents got
divorced. As I’ve read the studies over the years, I’ve found some themes,
but that by no means makes this the absolute truth. You must look at your own
situation in light of the current research. Some of the research on children of
divorce indicates that children: >
are often
better off after the divorce as opposed to staying in a continually conflicted
household. >
usually
believe the conflict/divorce is their fault, especially when younger. Younger
children also exaggerate
the possibility of parental reconciliation, as well as feelings of abandonment. >
are often
triangulated or triangulate themselves to take the pressure off the conflict
between mom and dad. >
can learn
to manipulate well during the first few years after the divorce, playing off of
anger between the
parents, or parental fears of losing their children. >
report
lower self-esteem than those in healthier, non-divorced families, but higher
than children in continually
conflicted two-parent houses. The
later only occurs about a year after the divorce, and
through that first year, boys especially evidence more problems than
those in continually conflicted two-parent
homes. >
boys tend
to have more difficulty with their mothers after a divorce, than do girls with
their fathers.
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