CHILDREN  IN  DIVORCE


 

            There is so much conflicting information out there on divorce and its effects on children. Just this week the CBS Evening News reported on a study in the Journal of the American Medical Association saying that childhood trauma can make it more likely a person will smoke as an adult, and make it harder for that person to quit. One of the traumas cited was if a child’s parents got divorced. As I’ve read the studies over the years, I’ve found some themes, but that by no means makes this the absolute truth. You must look at your own situation in light of the current research. Some of the research on children of divorce indicates that children:

 

> are often better off after the divorce as opposed to staying in a continually conflicted household.

> usually believe the conflict/divorce is their fault, especially when younger. Younger children also exaggerate the possibility of parental reconciliation, as well as feelings of abandonment.

> are often triangulated or triangulate themselves to take the pressure off the conflict between mom and dad.

> can learn to manipulate well during the first few years after the divorce, playing off of anger between the parents, or parental fears of losing their children.

> report lower self-esteem than those in healthier, non-divorced families, but higher than children in continually conflicted two-parent houses.  The later only occurs about a year after the divorce, and through that first year, boys especially evidence more problems than those in continually conflicted two-parent homes.

> boys tend to have more difficulty with their mothers after a divorce, than do girls with their fathers. respond to the grief with anger, depression, fear, and guilt especially within the first year.

 

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