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(The Grand Jury in Dallas, Texas became concerned
with domestic violence issues, and asked Megan Johntz for some information
regarding the subject. The following is Ms. Johntz’ brief on Domestic
Violence. If you would like more information, all requests will be kept strictly
confidential, and information can be emailed, sent to a secure location, or
given over the phone. Megan can be reached at 314.378.3384 or email
megan@PsychToolBox.com.) DOMESTIC VIOLENCE Approximately two percent of the US
population classifies as habitual batterers. The following cycle typically
occurs in approximately two-thirds of domestic violence incidents: Stage
One: Tension-Building
Phase Minor battering occurs. Verbal abuse
and psychological warfare increases. She tries to soothe or stay away. She
allows minor abuse often to prevent major abuse, but this is a double-edged
sword because her docile behavior legitimizes his belief that he has the right
to batter her. She covers up for his bad behavior which increases her isolation.
Tension in the home increases. Sometimes she even provokes the fight to get it
over, because the verbal and psychological abuse coupled with "waiting for
the other shoe to fall" is too much tension.
She often reports in this waiting stage, "I'll go crazy if this goes
on much longer". Stage
Two: Acute
Battering Stage Unpredictable violence in its nature,
time, or reasons for stopping. She knows she can't reason with him and develops
psychological distance from him and the abuse. It's often wise for her to just
give up at this stage because: he
is stronger, the rage is random and could hurt bystanders/children, this is a
very lethal time as corroborated by police statistics of domestic violence calls
being one of the most dangerous. Often she won't seek medical attention for days
after the incident, if at all. She suffers symptoms similar to victims of other
trauma: depression, anxiety, emotional collapse days or weeks after the event. Stage
Three: Honeymoon
Stage Relief and tranquility. He's warm and
nurturing, loving, tries to atone, promises, begs forgiveness. She may join him
in this illusion, "This is the real man". She is often his only link
to the outside world or sanity, and sensing his isolation and despair she feels
responsible for his well-being. Paradoxically his chances of seeking help are
much better after she leaves. But 10% of batterers do kill themselves after she
leaves, which indicates her hunch about his needing her for his sanity,
well-being, etc. may be fairly on target. Most abusers will reinforce this bond
with statements such as, "I can't live without you," "You're the
only one who understands/can help me," or "I'd kill myself if you
left". This phase locks them
together because in many ways they need each other, and often they are the only
adults who know about the violence problem. Many women who kill their abuser
actually start out trying to commit suicide as she believe it's the only way out
of this locked-in relationship. The Honeymoon Stage ends, and the cycle begins
again. Lenore Walker's opinion is that the
female should leave, because the physical and psychological abuse will never
improve. Murray Straus says that approximately one-third of abusive men stop
spontaneously, without police intervention. The research shows that if she does
leave, it's better for her and worse for him psychologically, mentally, and
socially. She obviously stays for social, economic, religious, and family
reasons, but let's take a look at some of the stronger, and less well known,
reasons behind why she stays. WHY
DOESN'T SHE
LEAVE? The above question assumes that it will
get better if she just walks away. But battered women know something the general
population may not: it is precisely
when she leaves that she is most at
risk for serious bodily harm and death. She
stays in part because she knows what he would do if she left, and statistically
she is correct. He is most lethal when she leaves. This does not mean she should
stay – only that she needs to plan her escape, utilizing friends, family, law
enforcement, domestic violence shelters, and/or counselors. Her leaving is also
statistically the time when most men seek help, because they finally realize the
severity of their problem. She stays in part because the abuse is
intermittently reinforced. If I want to teach you to be scared of me very
quickly, I will harm you at random intervals. If I only hit you every Tuesday at
11:30, you'd be able to prepare for it, as well as safely let down your guard
and relax all the other times. The
random or intermittent nature of the abuse keeps her ever hyper- vigilant and
confused. One week he likes her to hold his hand, the next week he slaps her for
it. She is never sure when to be scared, or what behavior is triggering the
abuse, so she remains confused and perpetually frightened. Behaviors are learned
rapidly through intermittent reinforcement, but they also last longer than
behaviors learned by predictable reinforcement.
She learns quickly that he is in control, and her brain locks in that
"truth" for even years after the end of the relationship. She also stays because we as animals
learn our lessons a little too well. The
phenomenon of "Learned Helplessness" (Martin Seligman) happens when
she is having harm forced upon her and cannot escape over and over again.
Seligman at the University of Pennsylvania placed dogs in a cage on a
metal grid, and shocked them repeatedly. At
first the dogs tried to escape, but after a while gave up. They didn't try to
get out, even when the cage door was wide open.
They learned they were helpless. Researchers then dragged them to the
exit, and eventually the dogs re-learned how to escape. When you look at learned helplessness
in domestic violence, you see women who've been told by fathers, mothers,
teachers, boyfriends, etc. that they can't do it, that others' problems are
their fault, that they are not worth very much, etc. She starts to believe it,
and can look very passive in abusive relationships. But there is a curious pattern when you look beneath the
"passive" behavior of the dogs, and also the women.
The dogs looked like they had just given up, but they were actually doing
things like lying in their own excrement because it cut the electric shock just
the tiniest fraction. Researchers also found the dogs were staying on the
portion of the grid that provided the least amount of shock.
They actually were still trying to save themselves even when looking very
passive. With battered women, she huddles up on the kitchen floor, not
because she likes it, or she's stupid, but because she knows her compliance will
shorten the episode, or prevent her children from being involved, or maybe he
won't raise his voice and alarm the neighbors.
The equivalent in domestic violence of dragging the passive dog to the exit
until he learns to save himself, is cognitive-behavioral training. She is
trapped by the false belief that she cannot escape, he holds all the power, she
has no where to go, she caused the abuse, etc., so it is imperative to change
her reality by giving her accurate information about the abuse cycle. When she
realizes she can leave, something a lot of people erroneously expect her to do
naturally after years of programming, she does. Learned Helplessness is one of
the main reasons why she stays. Another reason she stays is simply
because she, like many Vietnam War veterans, is suffering the effects of Post
Traumatic Stress Disorder. PTSD is characterized by re-experiencing the events,
increased arousal/anxiety at thoughts of, or triggers for, the events, and a
pattern of trying to avoid the events (which holds her in a passive mode).
Cognitive functioning and decision making are impaired after suffering
through a traumatic event. Depression and panic attacks are common. Childhood
factors correlated with adult involvement in an abusive relationship: ·
witnessing
or experiencing battering in the home ·
sexual
abuse or molestation as a child or teen ·
critical
periods during which the child experienced non-contingent control.
Non-contingent control is where they really do have some control over the
situation, but believe they do not ·
stereotyped
sex role socialization supporting rigid traditions ·
health
problems or chronic illness Adult
factors correlated with adult involvement in an abusive relationship:
WHY
DOES HE
BATTER? There are three different kinds of men
who abuse women. More research on women who batter is needed. Cyclical
/ Emotionally Volatile
Abuser About 30% of men who batter fall into
this category. They look like Mr. Perfect on the outside, but become angry and
violent only with women they feel emotionally attached to. This Dr. Jekyll / Mr.
Hyde batterer is often loved by those in his social or work life, and rarely
becomes violent in public. When outsiders comment "What a great guy"
she reinforces in her own mind that the abuse must be her fault, because
everyone else seems to love him. These men have a high fear of
abandonment and anything in her life (job, friends, family, pregnancy, school)
that he perceives as taking her away from him, he becomes enraged at. He spends
a great deal of his verbal abuse on the themes of isolating her away from the
world, and making her believe she
can't do life without him. In studies where these men watch couples arguing on
videotape, they perceive significantly more abandonment in the scenes than men
with no abuse history, and abusive men of the other two types. The Cyclical
abuser also became more fearful and angrier at watching the tapes than did the
control groups. This type of batterer displays
Borderline Personality Disorder characteristics, which is characterized by a
pattern of instability and impulsivity, and is characterized by violent swings
between love and hate in relationships, impulsivity such as self harm episodes,
reckless driving, etc., intense mood swings, chronic feelings of emptiness, and
identity disturbances. The higher he scores on scales of Borderline Personality
Disorder, the more acute his abuse. There is also a direct correlation between
alcohol abuse and Borderline
characteristics. This abuser often displays many trauma
symptoms such as depression, anxiety attacks, sleep disturbances, and
dissociation ("zoning out"). These men usually have formed ambivalent
attachments in early childhood and typically have suffered child abuse, shaming
parents, and weak attachments to their primary caregivers. The
Overcontrolled Abuser The second type of batterer is termed
Overcontrolled, and about 30% of batterers fall into this category. They often
keep a low profile, and can be heard to say to the few acquaintances they have,
"I just want to be left alone to work on my truck." Anger builds up in
these men from unexpressed thoughts, ideas, and feelings. In fact they usually
report not even knowing what they think or feel. They score high on
passive-aggressive and avoidance scales on psychological tests. There are two subsets of Overcontrolled
batterers, and both score very high on measures of dominance and rigid adherence
to sex roles. The first subset is the active type, characterized by a blatant
need to control. They are often
very perfectionistic and domineering, even counting every penny she has in her
wallet, or demanding full documentation of all her spending. The second subset
if the passive type. He remains very emotionally distant from his wife and they
often argue about intimacy. Both of these subsets batter from a need to dominate
and control their world. The
Psychopathic Abuser The third type of abuser is extremely
frightening for many reasons. The Psychopathic Abuser accounts for about 40% of
all men who abuse others. These men have little or no conscience, show a very
shallow emotional response, have unrealistic scenarios of the future, and are
literally unwilling to examine past problems. They don't go through any
justification for their actions, or try to blame others to reduce the shame they
feel for battering, because they don't feel the shame. They have no remorse for
their actions, and cannot feel the impact of their abuse on their victims. These abusers do not learn from their
mistakes, and therefore have a very poor treatment outcome. The MRI's of these
men show just a small level of activity in their brains, near the brain stem.
When researchers showed these MRI's to a group of physicians, the M.D.'s laughed
and said, "Those patients must be nearly dead." This type of abuser is
frequently violent outside the home as well as with his family, and is often
arrested for non-violent crimes. If they steal, they'll say, "They've got
insurance. They didn't get hurt at all. I'm the one who got hurt here." There is a subgroup of these
Psychopathic Batterers that has been termed the "velociraptors of intimate
violence". Neil S. Jacobson found that these "Vagal Reactors" do
not become physiologically aroused when in an argument. In fact the opposite
occurs: they become very calm physiologically, but they look enraged on the
outside. During the abuse these men have heart rates of a 20-year-old marathon
runner in deep sleep, when the normal male heart would be pounding through his
chest. These Vagal Reactors are much like trained martial artists, focusing all
their energy and attention on their victim in order to produce the maximum
effect. These are the most belligerent and contemptuous, are most likely to
report violence in their family of origin, and have the highest rates of
violence outside the home.
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